I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He? As in you personified your dick?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
