you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
