You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
