just tell him i said nine months
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
