dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
