Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
