There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
