rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
