Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
