Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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