She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
