Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
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You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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