I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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