im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
