What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
