I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
