so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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