i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Welp...herpes.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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