Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
