we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
