I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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