the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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