wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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