that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
