remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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