I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
