So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
