What did we do last night that was yellow?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
