That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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