I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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