If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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