Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
