they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
