dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
