Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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