Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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