I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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