i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How does one acquire holy water?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
