I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
