I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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