Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
