I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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