Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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