he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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