My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I love you. Go after that dick
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
