she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
