i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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