You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
why do cheetos always look like penises
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And then my night got REAL pukey
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
