there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
