I feel great
I just peed on a car
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
