I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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