Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
