Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
