I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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