Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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