I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
