I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
