Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
