She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
