Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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