dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
