Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
