And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
