This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
