im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
