He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I need to align my fucking chakras
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
